To work or not?

This battle has been going on for such a long time. I never thought I would feel the way I do at this point in my life, but I do.

I always thought that as soon as I had kids I would stop working. My mom didn't work, so I never envisioned that I would do anything different. Time with your children is such a precious thing that you can never get back. Especially at such a young age.

But as the time came for little Nathan to enter the world, financial road-blocks prevented me from not working, so I continued to partake in the working world while also stumbling through the beginning days of mommy-hood.

Fast-forward two and half years later, and I am still working. And I love it. I have two part-time jobs, which (if necessary) can be done from home. I am at home with my son two days during the week and also weekends. The husband is at home one day a week and also on weekends. The boy spends one day of the week with his grandmother and one day of the week with his aunt and cousins. It works out really well.

Though I miss him tremendously during the days at the office, I feel like it makes me a better mom. I appreciate my time with The Boy so much more than I would, had I stopped working. I am able to develop my professional career while at the same time contribute to our household income. I have full days of not working so I can dedicate attention to him.

Yes, I'm still jealous of those who are stay-at-home-moms. I envy the time you have with your kids, and the memories you will always have of this special time. The job you have as a mother is the one of the hardest, most important jobs in the world. You are the unsung heros of this world.

But because I'm not a part of that club right now, I am thoroughly enjoying where I'm at in life at the moment. I have two jobs that I enjoy, a husband who's supportive of this decision I've made, co-workers who are understanding that family comes first, friends who I consider family and of course a son who brings me endless joy and love (and often frustration too).

I'm doing the best I can.

Apologies

My apologies for being so absent on my blog. That's what working two jobs, raising a child, and being on a volunteer board will do to you. But NEVER FEAR, for I am back to the blogging world. I have not yet abandoned my internetty friends.

I was watching Oprah the other day and they had an episode on motherhood that had me laughing the whole way through. Confessions from real moms:

"I once made my kids lunch with snacks entirely from my car."

"I didn't bathe my twins for three weeks - I figured the hot-tub would take care of it."

"Nobody told me little boys wake up with woodies. I was freaked out one morning when I came in to get them and they were all pointing at me!"

"I went without diapers for three days using only maxi-pads and duct tape."

It was a great show. First, it made me feel like a really good mom, knowing that I'm not the only one who makes mistakes and doesn't know what in the hell I'm doing. Second, these women came from all walks of life: some working, some young, some with one child, some with several (one had seven!).

My confessions:

When Nate was seven months old we visited Tulsa with him for the first time. I realized early the next morning that we were out of diapers. While BSC ran to the store to get some, Nathan totally ruined his current diaper, leaving us with nothing. Turns out that my MIL had some doggie diapers, which actually worked quite well minus the hole in the back for the tail.

On more than one occasion, Nathan and I have eaten ice-cream for lunch.

One day I let him watch TV ... all day.

I know there are more, these are the ones I can think of off the top of my head. I wish I would have saved that episode of Oprah so I could watch it every once in a while. It's good to see women totally let down their guard and talk about their total (and often hilarious) falters with child-rearing.

Let's hear it for the moms!

This Little Piggy

BSC has always collected his spare change in a large orange cup I got from my sorority in college. We decided that we needed to start putting this change (which usually amounts to about $85 when the cup is full) into Nate's college fund. And what better way to collect the change than a cute bank for our boy? We have been meaning to get The Boy a piggy bank ... oh since he was born. It was just one of those tasks that wasn't high on the priority list, so it's been delayed for a couple of years.

A few weeks ago we finally found one that we both like. The color scheme matches his room and has been personalized with his name. As soon as we brought it home and Nathan saw it, he lit up and exclaimed "PIGGY BANK!" Really, I had no idea he even knew what it was. So we took the large orange cup full of change and let Nathan dump it out so he could fill the piggy bank.



**I have to note here that I scrubbed his hands after letting him play with all that dirty, germy money.

So Proud of Him

BSC and I went to Target tonight to pick up a few things. We did our usual routine: One of us doing the shopping while the other takes The Boy to the toy aisle for some entertainment. This time the boys went off to play while I gathered the items from our list. After putting the shampoo and conditioner into the shopping cart, I turned around and saw my two guys coming toward me, with Nathan riding a bike.

Now why am I so proud of this? Because his daddy didn't even flinch at the thought of letting Nathan ride a pink and purple bike around in public. I know a few dads who would have a fit at the thought of their boy playing with such a "girlie" item. I am ok if Nathan plays with his cousin's dolls, I'm ok if he wants to play dress-up, and I'm ok if he rides a pink bike. Making a big deal out of generally gender-specific toys to a two year old could potentially have a negative effect on him when he's older. So, good job BSC, you've risen above the typical male stereotypes and passed on an excellent lesson to your son!

Holiday Favorites

We made it back from almost two weeks away visiting family and friends in Oklahoma. There's way too much to write about the events during the time we were gone, so I'll just highlight the time with some pictures.


Christmas morning with my side of the family. Nathan was more interested in copying Grandpa by putting bows on his head.


On BSC's side, the traditional "dirty Santa" gift exchange was especially vicious. Three awesome gifts were stolen from me. I ended up with a gift nobody wanted.



Second Christmas with BSC's side of the family. Nathan made out well. See all those gifts? Those are all for him.


I'm pretty sure Mr. Potato Head was his favorite.


Tulsa was in the 70's off and on the entire time we were there. It was amazing. We took Nathan for walks around his parents' land.


We found some train tracks, and ten minutes later a train.

But most importantly, Brandi had her baby!

This is fun

How Tall Will Your Child Be?

This was really fun. All of our info guessed that Nate would be 6' 4". BSC is very excited.

Chugga Chugga

I already posted my birthday letter to Nathan, but have yet to post his party pictures. Nathan is enthralled by trains. He loves to play with them, watch them on TV, points them out any time we're driving, and loves all of his train books. Barnes and Noble has one of the wooden Thomas the Tank Engine sets displayed in the children's section of the store. Nathan loved to go play with it and would be entertained for hours (if I let him). So obviously his party was train themed with his presents being a few of the wooden train sets. We set up the trains while he was taking his afternoon nap so he could see them when he woke up. I should have had the camera ready, because his expression was awesome. The party was a lot of fun, and all the kids went home with a train conductor hat.

He ran up to them and said "look at those!"

His beautiful train cake with TONS of frosting:

Blowing out the candles with the help of his cousin, Caden:

Mmmmm, cake.

What is everyone looking at?

Oh.

Learning how to open the presents:

Cute little Ella in her conductor hat:

Two Years

My Dearest little Nathan,

Today you turn two years old. Two years ago at exactly 9:18pm you entered the world with a lot to say, and you haven't stopped saying things since. A few cliche sayings have been going through my mind like "I can't believe it's been two years already," and "Time has just flown by," or "You are growing up so fast." And even though I hate to include those phrases in my letter to you, I understand more than ever why those sayings have become popular. They are just so true.


Every day your daddy and I see more and more of your personality develop and we get glimpses of the man you will one day become. You tend to be shy and reserved around groups of people you don't know. You'll cling to me and hide behind my leg, sometimes whimpering at the thought that I might leave you with this evil group of strangers. But when you are with me, your daddy, grandma, grandpa, your aunt Nici, uncle Rocky or your cousins, you let your true personality shine. You run, jump, play and constantly sing, ask questions and talk. You're always asking "[Insert Name] what 'ya doing?"


You've become very good at remembering things and learning to repeat phrases. I hate to admit this, but I taught you your first bad word. Yes, it was me. Not your father, uncle Jim or grandpa. Can you believe it? About a month ago we were finishing up dinner when I accidentally knocked over your plate full of macaroni and cheese, rice, chicken, fruit and chips. Then your juice rolled off the table into the mess and spilled all over the floor. I had just mopped the floors that afternoon and without even thinking, the first words that popped out of my mouth were "OH SH**!" You proceeded to repeat this phrase for the next five minutes, over and over again. Your daddy couldn't stop laughing and I was mortified that I was the one who prompted that string of letters to come out of your mouth.


I currently have two part-time jobs, which means that I have to leave you three days a week. Even though we have the perfect situation with you going to your grandma's one day, your aunt's one day, and staying home with Daddy one day, I still hate to leave you. I'm so torn because I feel like I shouldn't enjoy my job as much as I do. I never thought I would become so career-minded. But after finding a job like I have now, one that allows me to be a mom as well as grow in my professional career, I find myself feeling guilty. Guilty that I enjoy my time without you, and also guilty that I can't be with you all the time. It's like I can't win.


Knowing that I can't be with you all the time makes me enjoy our time together more and more. A few months ago, as we were getting ready to watch a movie together (Toy Story 2 - for the 100th time), you came up behind me while I was putting the movie in the player, hugged me as hard are your little arms could possibly hug and said "I love you Mama." It was the first time you had ever said that without someone saying it first, or being prompted. My heart will never get over that single moment in our lives.


I love the way you say things. Even though you are constantly complimented on how well you pronounce your words, you still have your own little dialect:
packidoes: popsicles
pabo: pacifier
bunby: bunny
uhmba: Simba
blanquen: blanket
mote: remote
cereos: cereal
You also have certain phrases that you love to use. Any time you can get two of something in your hands, you'll always exclaim, "I got two of 'um!" Every time you're on the stairs, going up or down you say you're going "Going upstairs!" You love to give your daddy and I directions in the car to where you want to go (or throw a fit when you realize we're going somewhere you don't want to go). And you've made up this little game where you ask yourself (or whoever happens to be close by), "Does [insert Name] eat cereals? NO!" You ask this question over and over with different names each time. And the answer is always no. Just today you substituted the "eat cereals" with "go poopy." Which brings up another one of your most recent fascinations. Anytime you go poopy you love to watch the toilet flush and exclaim "Buh bye turds!"


You are definitely very stubborn and want your way all the time (who doesn't?). We are trying to teach you how to share and not claim that everything is "yours." This lesson is going slow. You have also given me your fair share of public fits. Grocery stores, restaurants, and more recently on an airplane. It's during these fits that my head just about explodes and I wonder why people love parenting so much. But then you turn around and sing me your ABC's or count to 20 with me (as I'm trying to calm down), and I realize - again - that this is what being a mom is all about.


I love you sweet boy. You are so special and beautiful.

Love,
Mama

The Obligatory Halloween Post

This year's Halloween festivities were a lot of fun. Nathan understood the concept of trick-or-treating and was excited to see all the "punkins." I'll let the pictures do most of the talking:

We visited the all the witches at Gardner Village with the boy's cousins:




We played at the local pumpkin patch, including a maze made just for the little ones:


And finally, Halloween night. Our little pirate had a great time!