Two Years

My Dearest little Nathan,

Today you turn two years old. Two years ago at exactly 9:18pm you entered the world with a lot to say, and you haven't stopped saying things since. A few cliche sayings have been going through my mind like "I can't believe it's been two years already," and "Time has just flown by," or "You are growing up so fast." And even though I hate to include those phrases in my letter to you, I understand more than ever why those sayings have become popular. They are just so true.


Every day your daddy and I see more and more of your personality develop and we get glimpses of the man you will one day become. You tend to be shy and reserved around groups of people you don't know. You'll cling to me and hide behind my leg, sometimes whimpering at the thought that I might leave you with this evil group of strangers. But when you are with me, your daddy, grandma, grandpa, your aunt Nici, uncle Rocky or your cousins, you let your true personality shine. You run, jump, play and constantly sing, ask questions and talk. You're always asking "[Insert Name] what 'ya doing?"


You've become very good at remembering things and learning to repeat phrases. I hate to admit this, but I taught you your first bad word. Yes, it was me. Not your father, uncle Jim or grandpa. Can you believe it? About a month ago we were finishing up dinner when I accidentally knocked over your plate full of macaroni and cheese, rice, chicken, fruit and chips. Then your juice rolled off the table into the mess and spilled all over the floor. I had just mopped the floors that afternoon and without even thinking, the first words that popped out of my mouth were "OH SH**!" You proceeded to repeat this phrase for the next five minutes, over and over again. Your daddy couldn't stop laughing and I was mortified that I was the one who prompted that string of letters to come out of your mouth.


I currently have two part-time jobs, which means that I have to leave you three days a week. Even though we have the perfect situation with you going to your grandma's one day, your aunt's one day, and staying home with Daddy one day, I still hate to leave you. I'm so torn because I feel like I shouldn't enjoy my job as much as I do. I never thought I would become so career-minded. But after finding a job like I have now, one that allows me to be a mom as well as grow in my professional career, I find myself feeling guilty. Guilty that I enjoy my time without you, and also guilty that I can't be with you all the time. It's like I can't win.


Knowing that I can't be with you all the time makes me enjoy our time together more and more. A few months ago, as we were getting ready to watch a movie together (Toy Story 2 - for the 100th time), you came up behind me while I was putting the movie in the player, hugged me as hard are your little arms could possibly hug and said "I love you Mama." It was the first time you had ever said that without someone saying it first, or being prompted. My heart will never get over that single moment in our lives.


I love the way you say things. Even though you are constantly complimented on how well you pronounce your words, you still have your own little dialect:
packidoes: popsicles
pabo: pacifier
bunby: bunny
uhmba: Simba
blanquen: blanket
mote: remote
cereos: cereal
You also have certain phrases that you love to use. Any time you can get two of something in your hands, you'll always exclaim, "I got two of 'um!" Every time you're on the stairs, going up or down you say you're going "Going upstairs!" You love to give your daddy and I directions in the car to where you want to go (or throw a fit when you realize we're going somewhere you don't want to go). And you've made up this little game where you ask yourself (or whoever happens to be close by), "Does [insert Name] eat cereals? NO!" You ask this question over and over with different names each time. And the answer is always no. Just today you substituted the "eat cereals" with "go poopy." Which brings up another one of your most recent fascinations. Anytime you go poopy you love to watch the toilet flush and exclaim "Buh bye turds!"


You are definitely very stubborn and want your way all the time (who doesn't?). We are trying to teach you how to share and not claim that everything is "yours." This lesson is going slow. You have also given me your fair share of public fits. Grocery stores, restaurants, and more recently on an airplane. It's during these fits that my head just about explodes and I wonder why people love parenting so much. But then you turn around and sing me your ABC's or count to 20 with me (as I'm trying to calm down), and I realize - again - that this is what being a mom is all about.


I love you sweet boy. You are so special and beautiful.

Love,
Mama