I faced a moral dilemma this weekend:
I went shopping at Target (yay for shopping and yay for Target!) As I got out of my car and was walking across the parking lot, I heard a voice yell after me, "Ma'am, ma'am?"
I turned around and saw a very hefty lady walking after me. As she got closer I noticed that she had been sweating profusely like she had been outside all day. Then she said to me, "Excuse me, but do you have a few dollars so I can get some gas?" Immediately a million things ran through my head ...
-Why is this lady in the Target parking lot asking for gas money?
-Why does it look like she has been outside all day?
-She looks homeless, how can she afford to have a car?
-She really looks like she can afford to eat, so why can't she afford some gas to get home?
-She probably just wants the money to buy something I shouldn't be giving her money for.
I offered my answer to her in a split second, "I'm sorry, I don't have any cash."
I instantly felt guilty as I was walking away. Not only for the lie I told, but because maybe this woman really did just need some gas. Maybe she'd been stranded for a while and that's why she looked so haggard. But how was I to know? How could I know for sure that she wouldn't just take my money and spend it on beer or drugs or something even worse that I can't think of right now. What is the right thing to do in that situation? If I see a hungry man on the side of the road, I'd be the first one to offer him a sandwich. But it's a rare day that I give anyone cash, because I can never be sure if I really helped them, or just supported their problem.
I felt so guilty about it that I walked into Target, and walked right out. I didn't see the lady in the parking lot on my way out. Maybe someone nicer than me would have done something different.
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8 comments:
I see way to many people in parking lots asking for money. In my opinion you did the right thing. She probably was just looking for some extra money. I hate when people approach me in the parking lot it really makes me uncomfortable. If I want to give money I give to a charity, but never to someone who approaches me on the street.
No - that is such a huge scam. I can't remember what someone told me it was all about.. but some of the comments on this link made me laugh. I personally think you did the same thing. I lie too - since I spend the majority of my lunch hours sitting in my car playing tetris, I'm constantly approached by these people. I'd be dead ass broke if I handed out cash to everyone that asked. Hell, I'll start asking them - because it costs me to air condition my car while I'm hanging out with them!
It is a difficult thing. I remember buying a guy an Arby's sandwich with Bryan Webber. Good times. Yet, when he kept asking for a sandwich everytime that we saw him it became annoying. I generally do not carry cash, but not for moral reasons. If I do have money I generally try and want to help, not meaning that I do. Over time I have decided that I would rather err on the side of giving an "undeserving" person a few dollars than miss the chance of actually helping someone in a pinch. Enjoy the struggle.
You should've offered her a piggyback ride home.
i always hate it when that happens to me. i'm not sure what to do. such a socially awkward situation . . . lucky for me i really actually never have cash.
man, i am so out of date on what is happening with you and the mr! i sort of dropped off the face of the planet for a while! now that studying is over, i'll try to stop by your blog more often. i miss you!
also, i am excited that you will be here next month!!
plans to visit portland, yes?
that's a hard sitch, loo... but i think you did the right thing. remember the homeless guy with the sign that said: need help. need food. god bless.
i offered him a sandwich... he asked what kind it was. um, sorry... you're starving and have no many for food, right?
when i told him it was pb&j, he actually TURNED. IT. DOWN. yea... but i bet if i gave you $10 for lunch you would have taken that, right?
you know what? i work hard for my money. why would i give it to you? maybe you're right and this woman really was down on her luck and really needed that gas... but it's more likely that she just wanted cash.
you know the way to solve your guilt about that? just never carry cash... always debit card. that way, you're not lying.
plus, you never know if this woman was targeting you for something else... she may not have been working alone, loo.
you did the right thing.
I agonize over this all the time - between living in Boston and using public trans I'm confronted about once a day, if not more.
One of the train stops near my apt seems to be a meeting place for homeless men and I usually have to walk past a whole group of them on my way to and from home. For me, it is frustrating on so many levels: I want to help, I feel morally compelled to help, but I hardly ever carry cash, and I am concerned about personal safety. One night I was actually harassed and followed halfway home by one of the guys and it scared me to death. On other times I have given money, mostly because the friends I was with gave first. Ultimately, it is fear and guilt that motivate me, and that's sad. I guess there isn't an easy answer!
I was walking downtown from Subway back to my office a few years ago and a guy asked me for some money to get something to eat. I had my fresh Subway sandwich in the bag and handed it toward him and told him he could have it and he didn't want it!
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