Know-it-alls. Yes, I have encountered the worst of the species. They loom in the darkness until they see that everyone is looking at them. And then, BAM! They talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk about pointless crap that nobody cares about, just to hear themselves speak and make themselves seem like a more interesting person.
These are the things I have heard from this utterly awful being ... JUST TODAY:
Upon looking up a word in the dictionary:
"That's not necessarily the definition. It could mean this ...."
Upon confessing that I had an British accent until I was 11:
"Well, I can speak in every accent imaginable."
Upon doing a task on the computer which I do all the freaking time:
"Oh, I know how to do that. I'll do it. It's so easy."
Upon looking at a magazine and commenting how much people are touched up:
"Oh, that's easy, I do graphic design all the time and can do anything with Photoshop. I'm self-taught on that program."
Upon talking about my love for antiques:
"I worked at an antique store, I bet you're talking about a piece from France in the early 1800's."
Upon discussing the OKC bombing and the memorial site.
"I know exactly how they rigged the bombs. I was in the Navy and learned all about it."
Upon talking of being in high school:
"I started high school at 12 because I scored a 1300 on the SATs at age 11."
I absolutely cannot have a conversation with this person. Any conversation-starter I mention ends up with this person talking about how great they are at this, or how much they know about that. Or, they're trying to prove that they have the MOST interesting life EVER. Someone, please rescue me before my eyeballs pop out of my pounding skull! My blood pressure is skyrocketing and I find myself searching for sharp objects so I can put myself out of this horrid misery.
Brand: Amalfi
Name: Stella
Color: Black Calf (their wording, not mine)
Size: 8
10 comments:
Just started reading your blog recently and wanted to de-lurk myself to tell you that you are quite funny.
I think I would like to meet this person you're having trouble with... he/she sounds amazing!
Laurie
www.thedailyhaleigh.com
I guess my sarcasm didn't come through well on my post.
I have to ask, do you work with this person?
please tell me you used your shoe of the day to clock him (or her) over the head with your high heel?
k, thanks.
Mommy - Thanks for stopping by, and yes, this person is TRULY amazing.
WDM - This person is only 18, which further proves that they are a big fat liar!
Nici - I'll explain who it is later.
Little Miss - I thought about it ... I had to resist with all of my might. It took every ounce of my energy, but I resisted.
i think you should give her a dose of her own medicine. just wait until she says something and tell her how great or experienced you are with that topic.
inevidably she will tell you how much she is better than you, but you have to just keep it up. think of something just that much more outlandish. eventually it will get really rediculous. then you'll be able to call b.s. on her. or you can just keep it going until the end of the work day. either way it will be entertaining.
what's wrong with knowing everything? you're not jealous, are you? ;)
the people i hate are the ones that think it's their job to point out every mistake i make and then feel something mundane like forgetting to put an apostrophe in its is important enough to write me about and complain that i'm a terrible, terrible employee and i should be fired for such shoddy work.
you want an apostrophe? oh, i'll give you an apostrophe.
Jimps - I've wanted to do that SOOO bad because everything this person claims to know so much about it everything I DO know a lot about. Take the graphic design thing for instance ... isn't that what I studied in college? Yep, just waiting for the right moment to drop the bomb on her.
Nytro - Would you come give this person an an apostrophe?
I'm glad you're not making us guess shoes anymore!!
No - I can not deal with the know-it-alls of the world. Because I instantly want to say something horrible to shut them down.. and someday one of them will snap and kill me.
at least you have cute shoes!
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