This is my one last post before I leave for my lovely hometown* Tulsa, Oklahoma (land of Taco Bueno, Braums, QuickTrip and Debi Carter's famous deer steaks). I will have one week of freedom from my job, my house and all the stress that comes along with the holidays. So, this will be a rather long post so as to satisfy all the people who will be at risk of suffering LoriLoo withdrawals. I know I know, it's so sad to be without me for an entire week, but I know you can do it. If you must, you can comment as much as you like, as I will be checking my blog once in a while (maybe once a day, not 30 times a day like I do while I'm at work).
* I don't actually have a hometown. See, I'm a nomad so I have to claim random (but wonderful) places like Tulsa for my home. I was born in Bakersfield, CA ... sorry, not claiming that as my home.
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Has anyone ever heard of spontaneous human combustion? How about spontaneous automobile combustion?
On Monday I had a conversation with a gentleman I work with. It went kinda like this:
Me: Hello Pierre**, how was your weekend?
Him: Uhhhh, not so good.
Me: I'm sorry to hear that, why not?
Him: Well, my car exploded.
Me: Huh!?!?!?!
Him: I was driving along I-15 and I smelled something burning. I assumed that the smell was coming from outside and kept driving. Then I saw flames coming from my backseat in my rearview mirror, so I pulled over and jumped out of the car. As soon as I got out, my car exploded.
Me: (With my jaw firmly planted on the floor) So that was you on the news Sunday night? The car that burned up?
Him: Yes, that was me. Luckily nobody was hurt, but if I would have had someone in the car with me, they would have been severely burned.
Me: So your car is completely gone?
Him: Yes, totally burned. There is nothing left but the frame.
Me: Wow, so did you find out what happened?
Him: I did some research and found out that they had major recalls on Ford Expeditions. Apparently they spontaneously start burning because of some electrical malfuncion. They don't even have to be running. I read a story about a house that burned down because of the Expedition parked in the garage.
Me: Really? Wow, that's odd.
Him: Yes, and I also ready another story about a man whose son was killed because of this very same thing.
Me: And they didn't notify you of the recall? Aren't they required by law to notify all Ford Expedition owners so the faulty wire can be fixed?
Him: Yes, and I was never notified. I never heard a thing.
Me: That's just so surreal. Those are things you see in movies, not in real life. I'm so sorry! But you're ok, right?
Him: Yes, I got out of the car just in time before it shot up in flames.
Ok, how weird is that? How scary is that? For all of you out there who own Ford Expeditions GET THEM CHECKED OUT NOW. No not tomorrow, NOW! That's some freaky stuff.
** Name has been changed because I said so.
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Am I the only one who thinks that dolls are creepy? Not Barbies or Cabbage Patch dolls. I'm talking about the ones people collect that try to look like real babies. A person I work with collects these things and is always trying to show them to me. No thank you! Those things are scary! Do not come near me with your dolls. I was once given an anatomically correct boy doll. It was gross. Who thinks of these things? Sickos.
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I think I've decided to cut bangs. I haven't had bangs since I was in fifth grade. If I have the guts to go through with it I'll post pics. What do you think?
No, and I don't want those big 80's bangs that are all plastered with hairspray. How could you think of me like that?
UPDATE, UPDATE, UPDATE! I did it! I cut bangs. It's going to take some getting used to, but I think I like the change. It's kinda fun and different.
Before Bangs:
Crap, the stupid picture thing isn't working right now. I'll post pictures below this post so you can see.
After Bangs:
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Double Whammy:
Yesterday the curse was in full force. It reared its stupid ugly face yesterday for BOTH of my meals.
Lunch: The lady at Sbarro gave me regular Pepsi instead of diet. I took one sip and could tell it was regular. So I kindly asked her to replace it with Diet Pepsi. She argued that it was, in fact, Diet Pepsi. Uhhh, I don't think so LADY! I can tell the difference between diet and regular. First off, regular tastes like ASS! What do you think of that? She finally decided that it was no use arguing with me and gave me diet. By that time though, it didn't matter. I was so enraged that the curse would attack me at lunch that I had lost my appetite all together.
Dinner: I ran over to the bakery across the street from work before my hair appointment. Much to my surprise they had my favorite soup, lobster bisque. SOOOO GOOD! I ordered a cup of lobster bisque, a cheese roll and a bottle of water to go. My mouth was watering just thinking about the lobster bisque. When I finally got to the salon, I reached into the to-go bag and pulled out my steaming cup of soup. I was horrified when I took off the lid to the soup and an immediate pungeant odor of broccoli hit my nostrils. They gave me cream of broccoli soup! Do you have any idea how frustrating it is to look forward to something so much, when you're so hungry because your lunch was screwed up, only to be so devastated by the wrong thing? Needless to say, I didn't have dinner either. I ate the cheese roll. Drank the water. The soup is in the trash.
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Got my Christmas bonus today. Whooooo hoooooo!
Oh wait ... it's ... chocolate.
I got a box of chocolates for my bonus.
I don't think the bank will let me deposit the box of chocolates into my account.
Gee, uhhh, thanks?
7 comments:
all i got was chocolate for my christmas bonus too . . . non-profit dissapoints at times . . . wish i could deposit the chocolate into my account to cover the overdraft fee that i have to leave early from work to try to fix before the man finds out . . .
i wouldn't claim bakersfield as home either . . . i've been there and all i remember is sweat, brown and oil rigs.
yuck.
I think I would find some other hometown to claim besides Tulsa ... poor and backward.
couple of things: we both know who is stalking who in this relationship. don't try to muddy up the waters little missy.
also, my uncle had his jaguar spontaneously combust in his car while it was in his garage. he was able to pull it out of the garage before it exploded. that's some crazy shit.
and lobster bisque? possibly the best soup ever made. my head would have exploded if i had opened up the broccoli soup expecting bisque. unexcusable.
also... when i read the first part of the blog i was DEVASTATED that you weren't going to blog anymore. maybe i am your stalker. who knew?
now hold on people! Bakersfield may be hot,and it may be full of, well, sweaty people, but good things come out of bakersfield.
namely, well...me
and, tabitha? you got chocolate? why haven't we gotten the bonus? just because you work in HR doesn't mean you should get a bonus and not me. i save the children.
loo- about the bangs: FABULOUS! i'm so jealous of the perfect sweepingness of them...i could never get my hair to do that. i've got the curse of the widow's peak...eww. anyways, well done you.
the only christmas bonus i got was in my tiny's diaper. So if i were you, I'd take the chocolate!
and while you're in Tulsa, PLEASE eat at Mazzio's and then go for icecream at Braum's. If you find a way to send me some plain chocolate Braum's ice cream, then I will find a way to send a bottle of Abita Beer to BSC.
; )
MMMMMMMM bisque. That's what I got for an appetizer when Alan took me to the big ball in Dallas (Reunion Tower) and it was probably the best thing I ate. The waiter recommended this NASTY white wine, which I'm sure is very good, but in my very limited experience with alcohol I've discovered I just don't like the way it tastes.
What were we talking about?
I had heard on the news a while ago about the Expeditions. There was a big thing on it about the kid who died and the one that burned down the garage while it wasn't even on! I did enjoy the code name of Pierre though! Is it who I think it is?
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