Before I start my rant, let me publicly annouce to everyone that my dad is NOT gay (according to a previous post of mine). At dinner last night he was rather disturbed* that I would tell a world full of people (most of whom I don't know personally) things about him that are not true. It was a joke, a funny, a knee-slapper if you will, created by my grandmother saying that he never liked girls in high school, he only hung out with boys. Hopefully Daddy will forgive me! He might also want me to mention that he and my mom have been married for like 500 years or so, just to clarify that he's not available.
Moving on:
Maybe I was raised in a stricter-than-I-thought household. Maybe I'm weird, maybe I'm not just weird, but I'm a FREAK! Everyone who knows anything about me at all knows I like things to be clean and organized. It makes me feel good. It was just the way I was brought up. Clean sheet day is my favorite day of the week. When my environment is clean and pretty, it makes me feel like I can relax and enjoy the fruits of my labor. With that said, I understand that people are messy. I understand that things can get out of place and that most people in the world aren't as neurotic as I am about everything having it's place. I also understand that people usually grow out of the messy phase when they purchase a house. After all, who would invest a huge amount of money in something just to trash it?
Apparently a lot of people!
We are under contract for a house. When we first looked at the house, it needed some cleaning, but nothing out of the ordinary. Apparently the current owner has the idea that now that he's almost out of this house, he no longer has to take care of it. DON'T THINK SO, BUB! Let me list some of the horrific things we saw in this house merely weeks after they accepted our offer. I'm so glad I decided to attend the house inspection, or I would have never known about these atrocities!
1. Not just clothes all over the house, but dirty underwear with skid marks for all to see laying about the carpet and kitchen floor. Yes, the kitchen. Don't know why you would decide to change in the kitchen, but apparently these people aren't normal, so I shouldn't expect normal things of them.
2. Half eaten ice cream carton sitting in the middle of the living room floor with ice cream seeping out the sides, absorbing into the carpet. That's just gross.
3. Cigarette butts equal to about 1.5 cartons all over the front lawn. Those will not be easy to clean up, and I WILL NOT BE THE ONE DOING IT.
4. Spaghetti sauce splatter running from the middle of the kitchen wall down to the floor where it has now formed a nice rock-hard pool of sticky.
5. Dirty dishes! Dirty dishes everywhere! When dishes aren't cleaned, they start to smell. So now the house not only smells like stale smoke, it also smells like rotten food. Oh the horror!
I know I shouldn't be amazed. I know I shouldn't expect more than that out of people. People are stupid. It would be like going out onto the streets of Utah and expect to be treated with respect by other drivers on the road. Not gonna happen!
I had dirty roommates in college**. Everyone's dirty in college. That's what college is for, to be a slob so you can appreciate when things are clean. But these people are grown adults. I just don't understand how people can live in utter filth and still feel like they live a sanitary life.
Is it just me? Maybe it is. Maybe that's why I'm feeling a bit like a freak.
*He was bothered only because I was proclaiming falsities about him, not about the gay part. So if you're gay and reading this don't be insulted, it's a JOKE people!
** I bet my dirty roommate stories can beat any of them out there ... yes TJ, even you!
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14 comments:
when i first moved into my house (which i rented for three years before i bought it), the couple who lived there for three years prior were in the middle of a divorce. the guy had left six months previous, and just to make sure that he wouldn't get the cleaning and security deposit back, the wife let her kids run free and shove things like bread sticks and marinara sauce, toy cars and napkins with ketchup and mustard on them in the vents. she also kept the dogs in the house for two weeks. we were picking up dog shit the day i moved in. we had to replace the carpet in the living room and bedrooms... because the stink of urine was so bad i couldn't come into the house at night after work without bursting into tears. my advice, check your vents when you move in. if they're that messy in the open areas... can you imagine what the vents look like?
thanks for a)motiviating me to clean my house out of sheer guilt and b)making me realize there ARE worse things out there.
K - I am SO greatful the people that lived in our house was so good with taking care of the house. When we visited after we'd made the offer they said they were so worried that their kids would spill on the carpet, because now the house wasn't theirs. They were super nice!
And your first paragraph was so funny! Touched very close to home... lol
I am hereby requesting that you add another disclaimer regarding the section about dirty roommates in college. Please specify that it does not include me!! :) We had Chore Day!!
Nytro - SOOOOOO, sorry that happened to you. Did you guys have to clean all that crap up? Your landlords should have taken care of it. Thanks for making my situation seem livable.
Little Miss - Don't take my posts as an insinuation to clean up your house! Like I said before, as long as the mess doesn't invade my space, I'm cool. I'm just insanely neurotic about things being clean. I'm a total freak.
Just Me - You are so lucky. With all you've said about your house, I'm really jealous. I'll post before and after pictures of all the rooms in our house once we redo everything.
Gayle - I thought it was a given that you weren't included in the dirty roommates section. We all know who is and will be dubbed the worst roommate ever. Let's all remember the petrified cat poop we found in the closet after she left.
yea.. the landlord was my uncle so we made an agreement. we'll help clean it up and he wouldn't charge us a security deposit. i still don't know who came out on top of that one. we had no where else to go, though... so we had to clean it.
I lived with such messy people in college that I have turned obsessive...my husband I have HUGE fights about it...he refuses to clean! so, to that, I hired a maid service every two weeks. Let me tell you how nice it is to come home from a horrible day at work to a sparkling clean house, and you didn't have to lift a finger, can of pledge, or vacuum!
I think that I would pass out if I saw that. That is one of the reasons we bought our house...it was brand new, and nobody's filth has had the chance to invade.
I wish I could hire a maid service, but I'm always afraid they won't do a good job and I'll have to clean up after the maid service. There's something about doing the cleaning yourself that puts my mind at ease, knowing it was done well. On the other hand, I hate spending my whole weekend cleaning to my specifications. So pretty much, I'm screwed.
lori,
wow... you're like monica from friends clean. i'm surprised you didn't say that you thought the maid would steal your bra and wear your jeans! (you would only get that if you were a friends fanatic like myself)
I am TOTALLY a "Friends" fanatic. My family thinks I'm Monica. I'm JUST like her. My favorite cleaning episode was when they all walked in on her vacuuming the vacuum. I do that too.
I think the paranoia also stems from me having a maid when I was growing up in South America (no, we're not super rich, everyone has maids there). The maid would re-arrange EVERYTHING in my room. I could never find anything. She always called me Loren ... MY NAME IS LORI YOU STUPID IDIOT! Not bitter, not bitter at all.
Lori,
I am SO flippin' excited that you said that about the maid service - I think exactly the same thing! :) I'm afraid they will do it wrong or do a slip-shotty job and I will end up doing it all over again...
Gayle
PS - Thanks for the clarification. I know that I'm not included, but I want to make sure others don't either!!!! :) You're the best!
did you see these things when you went to see the house for the first time and decided you wanted to buy it? or did they just start being slobs afterwards?
When I first looked at the house, it looked like a normal, semi-clean house. It needed cleaning to my standards, but so did every other house we had seen. They have since trashed it.
I would like to point out that Lori's disease is from our mother. Our mom would clean up BEFORE the maid got there in the mornings. And I do remember Lori freaking out about Dora moving her stuff! Little Kitty did it as well.
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