HBO

We all remember that elementary school joke:

You: Do you have HBO?
Your friend: Yes
You: Ewwwww! You have horrible body odor, that's gross!
Your ex-friend: No! I have HBO on TV, stupid face.

I feel like I should be telling this joke to a person at work. At first I thought it was just me, then I realized that other people noticed too. After a while, we all got brave enough to talk about it and decided that something HAD to be done. This man smells incredibly strong. When he walks through my office, his stench not only lingers for hours, but it also makes the temperature raise about 20 degrees. So now my office feels hot and sticky and is radiating a stench unlike any other. Now I'm afraid that my skin has absorbed some of the rotten smell and I leave work smelling like I've run a marathon every day of the week with no showers, no deoderant, no new clothes. As a person, this man is a good guy. He's a great father and husband and does excellent work. The only problem is that his hygene is questionable. It's not so bad in the winter time. We can still catch a whiff of the lingering odor every once in a while, but when summer time hits, I feel like the company should give out free gas masks if they won't tell this guy to take a shower. He also like to talk ... a lot. I can hold a great conversation with him too. He's very interesting. But during a conversation, he likes to pull his chair really close , then put his arms behind his head while he talks. It's almost as if I can see the stink spraying from his pits right into my nostrils. I would say something to him about it, but I feel that it isn't my place to bring it up. It should be discussed by the owner ... apparently he can't smell it because he will give this guy hugs in the middle of the hottest day of the summer when his smell is the worst.

Last summer I got the idea that if I couldn't cure the problem at its source, then I would have to deal with the air around me. I purchase a candle for my desk with the idea that next time the smell got too bad I would burn it for a few hours. I got the opportunity to do so the very same day. I lit the candle and freely breathed in the scent of plumeria and sandlewood. A scent I chose specifically for the office: not too girly, not to strong, but a nice calming scent. After an hour of candle burning, the smelly suspect comes running down the stairs. He eventually made it to my desk and says, "Ahhhh, there it is! Could you please put out that candle, the smell is giving me a headache."

What!?!?! What!?!?! My nice smelling, lovely scented candle is giving Mr. Smelly a headache? Now that's irony in its finest. I thought of opening windows, but ... oh yeah, WE DON'T HAVE ANY!! Yes, I work in a jail cell. So, I'm all out of ideas. I can't burn candles, can't open window, can't tell the man to shower or wash his clothes. Any suggestions?