"Vertigo"

Ahhh, the joys of a Monday: sitting here staring mindlessly at the glowing computer screen thinking upon the vast emptiness of the universe, only to be abruptly brought back to reality by the screams of my boss coming from the back room. I didn't go back to investigate ... no need. I already know that he's probably unloading his wrath on some poor soul with whom he deals his violins. At least on this particular Monday I have an appointment at The Balance Center. What? A balance center? Yes, for the past month or so I have been feeling rather dizzy. A few weeks ago I went to my general doctor to see what was wrong. He diagnosed me with BPPV (benign paroxysmal positional vertigo), meaning that the little "crystals" in our ears which generate balance were out of place. He scheduled an appointment for me at the balance center on Friday. So, I went wondering what weird, alien-like test they were planning for my poor unbalanced ears, only to find out that I don't have BPPV!!! I apparently have what is called "Labrynthitis" (makes you think of that movie from the 80's "Labrynth," doesn't it?"). So, today I have to go back for more tests. You'd think that as a former ballerina I would have all of this balance stuff under control. Nope. It used to be so easy to close my eyes and try to stand in one place without moving, not anymore. I kinda look like those people you see on "Cops" doing the sobriety tests who can't seem to stay in one position. I wonder if I get pulled over and they make me do a sobriety test ... would I pass? Would the cop accept my doctor's note that I have Labrynthitis? Or will I have to spend the night in jail until I'm not too scared to pee in a cup to prove that there is no alcohol in my system? I might just have to make friends with the rather large, hairy woman in the same cell so she can protect me from all the other scary women who call me "pretty." We'll see ...