Motherhood

I've been asked several times since becoming a mother how my life has changed, or what I find the most surprising about parenthood. Of course the typical answers like not sleeping in, no time to myself, no going to movies, all apply to me. But one of the surprising things about motherhood is the violent instincts that have developed inside of me. Of course I'm not talking about violence toward my little guy! I'm talking about the lioness instinctively protecting her cub. If someone ever tried to hurt my baby boy, I really think I could do them some serious physical damage. I don't think I'd use a weapon of any sort, I'd much rather resort to tearing the person up with my bare hands. Really, I think I would.

Along those same lines, I've never been so emotional. I can't watch medical or forensic shows that focus on a sick, hurt or murdered baby ... I cry the entire show. I can't watch movies that even talk about harming babies or the news when someone has been cruel to a child. I have to change the channel because I simply cannot get the poor baby out of my mind for the entire day or longer.

Last week I stumbled upon a blog of a someone I don't even know. Recently, one of her twin nephews was found in his crib not breathing. He died at the age of two months. Before having a child of my own, I would have been saddened and felt horrible for the family. But now, not only do I feel these things, but I also feel a small bit of the pain the mother must be going through. After reading about the devastation, I sat in my office and cried. I can hardly think about a situation like that without tearing up. I no longer have control over my heart and emotions, they have taken on a new life in the form of a little boy: