Weeds

Ever since the weather has been warmer, BSC, Nathan and I spend almost every weekend outside working in the yard. Obviously Nathan doesn't contribute much to the yard-work, unless you consider drooling a form of watering the plants. I spend most of my time in our numerous flower beds pulling weeds. We usually have a dandelion or two, but the weeds that keep me out in the yard for an entire day are more like trees. Their roots are ENORMOUS and it takes a full-sized shovel to pull them out of the ground. The roots develop underground before any form of plant can be seen above ground. So by the time they're big enough for me to spot them, it's a battle waiting to happen. They also grow particularly fast (about 6" each week) and don't die easily. When we first moved in to this home, our backyard was full of these "trees." I hate these weeds, I hate them with a passion. The reason why I hate them so much?

Our neighbor.

We have an awful neighbor. No, not the neighbor who smokes a lot of pot and blasts En Vogue from his garage at midnight every night (he's actually quite entertaining). Nope, not the molester neighbor who is listed on the sex offender registry for having his way with underage boys. Not even the neighbor who has a ton of kids that run rampant about the neighborhood half-naked in the middle of the street. This utterly awful person, who we'll call "Dora" lives right next to us. This lady, who has nothing better to do with her time, who is so bored and angry at life, feels like it is her duty to come over to our house almost every weekend and point out all the weeds growing in our yard.

Oh yes she does.

All the time.

And not in a helpful-grandmotherly-want-to-take-care-of-my-young-neighbors sort of way. No, she's mad that we have the audacity to let weeds grow in our yard. And she wants us to know about it.

The irony? She's too old and decrepit to take care of her own yard. Our one and only really awesome neighbor does it for her. That's not the worst part. Her front yard has a rather large tree that drops little seeds all over our yard in early spring. Those little seeds are what cause the weeds to overrun our garden. I'm tempted to cut it down in the middle of the night.

She also reported us to the city resulting in a citation being issued to BSC for parking where he does. You see, we have a one-car garage (yes, I know, it TOTALLY sucks). Our driveway used to have a patch of grass extending out from one side where BSC would park his truck. Paving this area of the driveway was one of the many projects we planned to do with the house. But we moved in to this house during the winter months, and nobody is going to pour concrete when the ground is frozen and snowy. The next spring I was pregnant and everything was put on hold. But that wasn't good enough for Dora. She reported us to the city "cause it was ugly." Yes, it was ugly, but there wasn't much we could do about it. So we were given a citation and told we had to improve the land with concrete in two weeks.

Two weeks. Like that's gonna happen.

Dora is a weed. She is the worst kind of weed. She's old, ugly and doesn't die easy. Yes, that's mean, but so is she.

To Dora, from Nathan. Kiss my: