Them kids

So, I was tagged by Gizmo & Kritter to list some weird traits about my kids/cats. I could go on forever about some of the crap they pull (literally, crap) but I'll just have them list their most unique qualities.

SIMBA

Let me give you a little background on my existence. I do not know my biological mother or father because they abandoned me in the awful town of Abilene on a college campus. For the first six weeks of my life I survived off crickets and other bugs. During one hot and dry day, I was chasing after a rather juicy looking cricket and accidentally walked in front of two students trying to complete a filming project on campus. They scared me. They chased me. They caught me. Thus began my days in captivity.

1. I do not meow. I believe meowing is for sissies. When I enter a room, I announce my presence with a bark and a snort. If you do not acknowledge my presence, then I will bark several more times and walk away. All who come near me must pay attention to me or they do not deserve the pleasure of my company. Sometimes I will even walk on my hind legs and scratch at your legs if I really feel extra attention is necessary.

2. Sometimes I pretend that I'm pirate. I will close my right eye and walk around like an old man. My adoptive parents (or the wardens, as I like to call them) took me to the evil witch-doctor because they thought something was wrong with my eye. Don't they understand that I just want to be a pirate?

3. Chicken, I love chicken. Chicken, chicken, chicken!!!! You can have all the fish in the world if you'll just let me have a small piece of chicken. But I will eat any people food I can get my paws on. If the wardens don't cover food on the counter, tables or stove, I will help myself.

4. I believe that families should eat together. I have my own chair at the dining room table. The woman warden doesn't appreciate that I sit at the table. But if the man warden is home alone, I can get away with anything.

5. I am a very skilled locksmith. I can open any door in the house, no matter what. It's a talent that I have to hide from my cell mate, Benny, who doesn't have any skills. I think he may be legally retarded.

6. I don't understand why the wardens insist on trying to discipline me. I spent the majority of my kitten-hood soaking wet, as they would try to deter me from certain actions by spraying me in the face with a water bottle. What kind of discipline is that? I quite enjoy being sprayed in the face. It took them a while to realize that the spray-bottle method does not work with me, nor does any other discipline method. I do what I want, when I want.