Why don't people ever talk about all of the weird things that happen to your body during pregnancy? Why is it that you always hear about that wonderful "pregnancy glow?" I'm sorry, but I haven't experienced much of the positive side of pregnancy. BSC can vouch that I'm not a glowing joy to be around. If I only knew some of the stuff that was ahead of me, maybe I would have thought twice about letting BSC knock me up.
Whoever said that the second trimester was the easiest trimester has some explaining to do. Let me reflect on the past trimester as I slowly enter my third.
1. Heartburn - Holy mother of all that is evil! This is not your everyday, run-of-the-mill heartburn. This is the heartburn that laughs in the face of all prescription medications and knocks me down to the floor in one acid-induced swoop. This is the heartburn that wakes me up in the middle of the night just to say "Ha!! You thought those TUMS got rid of me, didn't you? Think again stupid!" I now sleep with a Costco size container of TUMS on my night stand. They usually last me one or two days.
2. Mood Swings - I hate to be angry, I really do. But sometimes I will be folding laundry and something inside me just snaps. All of a sudden the house is too dirty, the cats are too stupid, and BSC isn't helping AT ALL. So who gets to suffer my wrath? Yep, BSC and the cats. They've learned to sense when I become an irrational twit ... they tend to spend the majority of the day out in the backyard so I can rampage around the house and yell at the dust bunnies instead of them. Then, like nothing had ever happened, I'll see a stupid commercial on TV and BSC will come inside and find me laying on the floor, sobbing in a big pile of unfolded laundry saying, "Why did they all have to bring the green bean casserole to dinner?"
3. Dumbness (to use a word from middle-school) - I'll admit that I had heard of the mood swings and a few other things I am experiencing, but I had never heard that pregnancy makes you stupid. And yes, it does. I feel like a complete moron. I can't remember anything. I'm usually very good at remembering what I need to do for the day, whether or not I have RSVPed for a party, and who's birthday's are coming up. Not so much anymore. For example: My boss will ask me to do something for him one day, then the next day he'll ask if it's done. Not only will I claim that he never asked me to do it, but five minutes later I will find a note reminding myself not to forget to do said task with no recollection that I actually wrote the note to myself. It must be the heartburn killing my brain cells.
4. Joint pain - Today the joint from my leg to my hip is about to kill me. I feel like such an old lady trying to hobble up to the bathroom every 5 minutes because Jr. feels like it's necessary to rest on my bladder. They say that all of your joints move when pregnant because of some weird necessary reason. Well, whatever. I want it to stop. It hurts. I already have heartburn to deal with, I do NOT need another reason to take pain medication. And speaking of joints moving; my once high ballerina arches in my feet are slowly moving closer to the ground. You all know what that means ... the shoe collection is in grave danger.
5. Gas - no explanation necessary here.
6. Sleeping - I NEVER knew that you couldn't sleep on your back while pregnant. I just happen to be a back sleeper. Sleep has not come easy to me as I have to force myself to sleep on my left side. NOT FUN. Not to mention all of the weird and freaky dreams I have about giving birth to a baby with huge moles on his face or finding out that I accidentally married on of my students instead of BSC. I have no idea where my brain comes up with these things.
So my fingers are starting to swell a little bit at night and I told BSC that I would have to purchase a substitute wedding ring to wear for a while. He said "Don't get anything ugly, cause then people will make fun of me." Here's what I got:
It's not too big is it?
12 comments:
Hey, I've got numbers 3, 5 & 6 and I'm not even pregnant. Maybe it's sympathy gas, dumbness, and sleepiness?
You never heard me talk about it? I never had heartburn until I was pregnant. Just wait until you are in the last few weeks, and then you will really be uncomfortable sleeping. Why do you think I slept in the love sac? Mom and dad still have it, you can use that! As for dumbness, it never goes away, and gets increasingly worse with each pregnancy. And the pain you are probably feeling is not the joint, but your sciatic nerve (not sure on spelling). Mine hurt so bad during both pregnancies. I pretty much limped the whole way through!
no eliza... the ring is the perfect size. if you've got it, flaunt it, right?
bless your heart.
you may just be the first human to ever make me grateful i'm not knocked up myself. thanks for that. sorry it came at such a cost to you!
i had to buy a fake ring for awhile when my ring was getting fixed. i made the mistake of buying a huge CZ that actually looked pretty good...by the time i got the real thing back i was like, that's IT?!? my eight dollar ring looks waaaay blingier!
normally, i do not believe in telling pregnant women horror stories, but since you started it....
the whole second trimester thing is a crock. i never felt better once i got knocked up. never.
i ate tums alternating with pepermint altoids all day long (and all night, since i couldn't sleep). and yes, i know the giant costco jug well. i tried several drugs, none worked. i finally invested in several (like 10) good pillows and slept sitting upright. bolt upright. i at least got some sleep, although i generally got a stiff neck.
the glow thing is a mean joke. i remember once, my sister made me go to the mall with her when i was pregnant with my first. we were at nordstrom, and she needed to go into a fitting room. she told the sales girl, "if my sister comes over, send her in here... you'll know who she is cause she's pregnant and she looks pissed." i wasn't pissed. i just looked pissed. all the time.
and as far as braincells go... no, you won't get them back, and as previously stated, you lose more each time around.
the swelling? fuggettaboutit. with baby one i left the hospital FORTY pounds less than when i entered it. the baby was only 7 and a half pounds.
but the cool thing is? you get a kid. and i'm not just trying to be cute and trivialize it all.
i was in the hospital with my first for seven days. 22 hours of labor and then a c-section (no, i don't recommend both). the nurses who told me good bye and good luck when they left sunday and then came back on shift on friday had never seen anything like it. they kept assuring me i'd forget... someday i'd want more.
i didn't need to wait to forget... i would take one look at trevin and know that i'd do it all again right then. he was worth every second of it.
oh, did i mention? i threw up for my entire pregnancy, through labor, and even on the operating table. i also got the hiccups when i was 19 weeks along and they didn't go away until trevin was 2 days old. yes, hiccups, yes day and night.
still i would do it all again.
don't let anyone trivialize your misery. own it. work it. it's horrible. it sucks. it's not fun at all.
but you're in for the time of your life when this little butter bean is born, just you wait.
(also, just to be fair, when my cameron was born, i breezed right through... i mean... not maybe "breezed..." but it was so easy in comparison that i may as well have!)
not too big at all. :)
my friend threw up soooo much during pregnancy that she had to go to the hospital and get an IV cause she was loosing weight and wasn't getting the nutrition she needed.
my other friend (since i've never been preggo myself) was sooo internalized (like the dumbness you were talking about -- i've heard specualtion that pg women are so focused on what's happening inside that they, well as you said, get forgetful about what's going on outside) that even THINKING about driving to the store a few blocks away made her cry. "i just can't do it!" she would tell her husband. and he would have to drive her.
has anyone told you about uterine prolapse???? i hear it happens after birth more often than not. check it out.
Seriously, I understand everything you just said. I yelled at my sister the other day for failing to tell me how much she hated being pregnant. I should have guessed based on the fact that she gave me the book "Pregnancy Sucks" but whatever.
I haven't worn my ring in months. I didn't even get a replacement, I just walk around like a knocked up teenager...I dare anyone to say anything to me. It wouldn't be pretty. ;)
I had pretty much all of the above.. I remember one of my male friends bringing dinner over - spicy Indian food. Not only did it almost kill me from the intense heartburn, but the rage came flying out and I wanted to kill. My hips felt like they were going to pop out of joint constantly. I still have problems from that.. but I had some weird problem with my back anyway.
I must email you the picture I took of Nathan with my gigantic foot. It trumps all. Nate Nate and the giant foot.
oh, and by the way, i've never been pregnant, but i have a lot of friends who have (i live in utah, remember?)... and from what i understand, the term of the pregnancy directly correlates with how stupid the husbands get.
next tri-mester should be interesting...
Thanks - you've made my decision for me: No kids. Alan just told me what uterine prolapse is......and I just don't want to think about it.
I get a little chocked up about the green bean casserole commercial too and I'm not even pregnant...jk, but at least you have a funny story to tell to the kid later on.
THE JOYS OF MOTHERHOOD! heartburn? check. swelling? check. sleepless nights? check. weird dreams? check.
but have you started wetting your own pants for no apparent reason? (ie baby bouncing on your bladder like an exercise ball)--or worse, peed your husband's pants because you no longer fit into your own?!
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