While I was home sick last week from whatever evil germ invaded my system, I watched an episode of Dr. Phil. I found it to be quite an interesting subject matter.
Here's the deal:
A man was suing his ex-girlfriend for child support. Not for her to pay child support, but for him, as the father of the child to not be required to pay it. Now, before you jump to conclusions about why this guy is trying to get out of paying for a child, let me explain the situation. While this man and woman were a couple, both had several discussions about children. Neither one of them wanted to be parents, and neither one of them even wanted children in the future. It was clear that they never wanted to have kids. The woman told this man that they had nothing to worry about because not only was it not possible for her to get pregnant, but she was also on birth control. Well, surprise of all surprises, she got pregnant. She decided to carry the child to term and also raise the child. The man either wanted her to terminate the pregnancy or give the child up for adoption because he had no desire to become a father. Her decision was final, and she decided to keep their daughter. The father now is required by law to pay child support for this child. His argument is that he had no say in the matter after she was born. It was his choice to give her up for adoption so she could have two parents instead of just a mother. But the mother did not agree. Because of this, he does not think he should have to pay child support for this child who is not going to be part of his life.
Here are a couple of things to consider:
1. This is just one side of the story, the woman was not there to voice her views so I am just summarizing what was discussed on the show
2. Putting all religious/personal views aside about abortion and pre-marital sex, should the father of the child have a choice too?
3. Ultimately it will be the child who suffers from all of this. Unfortunately the child is usually forgotten in these situations. What is best for the child?
I am asking for opinions here because I am torn on the situation. I agree that the father should have a choice in the matter, but I don't think he should be able to get out of child support just because he didn't want the child. What do you think?
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13 comments:
i think he made his choice when he put his you-know-what in her you-know-where.
the saddest part of the whole matter is the child - the kid is here, and he/she doesn't get to choose anything. if i were that kid, i'd be requesting to have different parents.
i think this is a tragic example of just how much sense God makes when he says "sex is for a husband and wife, and marriage is for a lifetime."
poor kid.
That is sad for the child.
I am torn on the issue as well, but he could have taken more responsiblity and action to not have a child as well. Birth Control is not 100% effective, so maybe he should have been wearing a condomn as well just for added protection.
So.... I really don't know. It's sad that a child could be born into that sort of situation when there are so many people that are unable to have children that can afford and love them. I think he should man up and just pay the money it is his child.
I'm with kentbrantly.
You do the crime ... you do the time.
I think the first comment was very hurtful, based on my own experience. And I won't say more than that - I'm more than a responsible adult and I can promise there aren't many people who know me that say "poor kid" to my child. Just because two people don't want to be a parent doesn't mean that one can't do a fabulous job until a whole family can be created.
i agree with lady luck. if he didn't want kids, he should have got fixed.
it is obvious that he doesn't love the child because if he did he would realize how his actions are going to affect her for the rest of her life. she is going to grow up knowing she was rejected by her bio dad. that will have a HUGE impact on her self esteem . . . sad.
And the fact that he did it on national TV makes it that much worse!
I agree with Holli that some women are just fine raising a kid by themselves regardless of the bio-dad being involved or not. She is a perfect example of it. But the fact that the women is trying to get money out of him, he's going on national TV claiming he didn't want the child is sad. Sad for the girl because like Tabitha said she'll grow up knowing that her father never wanted her in the first place. It's just sad.
i agree that he should have ENSURED that there'd be no kids, either with a condom or a snippy snippy. Since he just went ahead and trusted her to take care of that part, i don't feel super terrible for him. everyone knows better by now than to trust a chick to take the birth control. we've all seen Jerry and Oprah and Maury enough to learn that lesson
i'm thinking of what dr. laura would say to this guy...my guess is that she'd say something like "i'm sorry that you didn't want to have kids, that it wasn't in your plan. but now it's time to be a grown up and do what's right regardless of how you feel or what you WISH would've happened."
i think it's exactly right that he needs to take care of this kid...work his damndest to do right by her, even work for a relationship with her. because that's the right thing to do. and it's the responsible grown up thing to do. if he's going to claim he's a man, he needs to be one.
i'm not saying i support what happened. i'm not saying men shouldn't be allowed some say in all of that. what i am saying is that, for this guy, it's too late to be concerned about those things. IT ALREADY HAPPENED. how much more effed up is this kid going to be watching their dad go on tv and announce to the nation that he wants nothing to do with his own child?! far more damage than should be allowed. i'd call it child abuse.
and now i'm done with my rant.
i agree that he should have ENSURED that there'd be no kids, either with a condom or a snippy snippy. Since he just went ahead and trusted her to take care of that part, i don't feel super terrible for him. everyone knows better by now than to trust a chick to take the birth control. we've all seen Jerry and Oprah and Maury enough to learn that lesson. the most sure and definate "say" a man can have in the whole kids/no kids thing is to either not have sex, use a condom or to have the surgery. once a baby is in the chick's belly....he can have an oppinion, but can't really DO anything about it.
i'm thinking of what dr. laura would say to this guy...my guess is that she'd say something like "i'm sorry that you didn't want to have kids, that it wasn't in your plan. but now it's time to be a grown up and do what's right regardless of how you feel or what you WISH would've happened."
i think it's exactly right that he needs to take care of this kid...work his damndest to do right by her, even work for a relationship with her. because that's the right thing to do. and it's the responsible grown up thing to do. if he's going to claim he's a man, he needs to be one.
i'm not saying i support what happened. i'm not saying men shouldn't be allowed some say in all of that. what i am saying is that, for this guy, it's too late to be concerned about those things. IT ALREADY HAPPENED. how much more effed up is this kid going to be watching their dad go on tv and announce to the nation that he wants nothing to do with his own child?! far more damage than should be allowed. i'd call it child abuse.
and now i'm done with my rant.
btw - condoms and birth control.. even used at the same time - don't ensure that there won't be a child.
wow... i can't believe that someone would go on tv and try to justify this.
as far as his responsibility... he absolutely should be paying child support. it is his child. i agree that he should have some say in the matter. what about if the situation was reversed and he wanted to keep the baby and she wanted an abortion? what's his recourse in that?
fact of the matter is, since women are the ones who are carrying the baby, it's ultimately their decision. until men start having the whole 9 month pregnancy, they're going to have to settle for what the woman decides.
bottom line is, you play, you pay.
if you are sexually active, you are at risk for getting pregnant. period. birth control or not, it happens.
it's just too bad that both "parents" couldn't be unified in their decisions. I feel sorry for the child...that's why I don't watch Dr. Phil, I have my own problems/issues to ponder!
i've thought quite a bit about this.. cause i've seen this issue on tv lately, as well.
here're my thoughts.
one) any time a man puts his penee into a verjeenee and makes a sperm deposit he is potentially making an 18 year investment. period. even if he's been snippy snipped. heck, even if she's had a tubal ligation. stuff happens.
two) i'm against abortion (personal belief) but it has weight in my next point
three) until women (as a group) are going to stop saying "it's my body, it's my right," they have to accept the other side of that coin. if you can decide, why can't he? reverse it and think about it... there have been millions of men, i'm sure, who begged her not to get an abortion. women need to stop being so arrogant in their decision making. yes, i'm speaking in generalities here.
so.... until some major changes happen, i think this guy is onto something.
the reason i don't think it would apply to every dead beat dad out there, is that in my opinion, if you SEE your kid... you pay. if you are literally willing to write the kid off legally, you shouldn't have to pay.
all of that being said.
in my personal views, this guy is a grade a effer, and as someone else said, don't do the crime if you can't do the time.
i've never slept with someone i wasn't prepared to parent with. you can ask me how many men i've slept with if you want, the answer might surprise you in this day and age (hint... i married him).
one more thing....
i did try to keep my personal views out of my reasoning... but i just wanted to say this...
before anyone gets all twitterpated about me being judgemental. that couldn't be farther from the truth.
we all make mistakes, some of those mistakes result in miracles.
and, we all have the gift of God's grace. how cool is that?
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