We've all done it. Don't deny you haven't. I blame my mother. Don't moms get blamed for everything? So why not blame her for one more thing? She taught me all I need to know.
While grocery shopping, while shoe shopping, while walking down the sidewalk. Suddenly it hits you. You have some extra ... er ... air to expel. While pondering what to do in this situation, you realize that there's nobody around you, no other person on the aisle with you. So you let it rip. Right in the middle of the grocery aisle, you fart away, giving some much needed relief to the ever-expanding pressure building in your abdomen. Then it happens. You smell it, and you have to leave the aisle NOW! But wait, there are people coming toward you from both ends of the grocery aisle. Which way do you go? You're trapped, sure to be caught in the act! Instead of standing there in the middle of the stench-cloud just created in your innards, you make a run for it, knocking over some cereal boxes and a little old lady in an attempt to get away from the blame.
You made it out! Then suddenly you realize the stench is following you. Crap! I have got to hide ... maybe in the health food section ... nobody goes there, and if they do, they'll understand that healthy stuff makes you fart. It smells in that aisle anyway. As you make your way to the smelly aisle you notice old people fainting and children starting to cry as you pass them. Flowers wilt and turn brown and sales clerks give you dirty looks.
I'm so sorry fellow grocery shoppers, it had to be done! I just couldn't hold it in any longer. I thought I was all alone on the aisle! Don't you dare tell me that you've never let anything slip. I know you have. You wanna know why? Cause I learned this from my mother, that's why.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
10 comments:
That is exactly what I would have done.
Good show, Loo, good show.
:)
word.
and i look and talk and act more and more like my mother every day. its actually scary.
So true so true. When the husband and I shop and all the sudden we HAVE to leave the aisle, we know why.
See that's why I need a kid then you can just blame the stinky kid for the smell!
oh man... i remember one time i was shopping with my sister and we had kinda separated. all of the sudden, she comes up to me and says "do not go to the magazine aisle... i just put a fart in it.
why didn't you sing us the beans beans the musical fruit song? after greasy grimy gopher guts it was a natural!
my mother used to pull that shit in the store and then blame us kids. loudly.
perhaps this is why we're not close today.
guilty.
last week i was in this meeting with all these professional types. and this woman kept farting LOUDLY while she was talking, as though her mousy voice would cover the sound...we all just kept glancing at each other like "i'm not the only one hearing this am i?" then the smell starting billowing up...shocking really.
LOLOLOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Btw - I had to delete your comment because the freaks followed you to my blog and I can't have them hitting a baby blog!!
Now you're going to have the fans of the fart. Woo Hoo!!!
Last night Faith said (well.. she did something then said) "scuse me - that's a toot!!" and guess who I thought of!!
I am visiting from Little Miss's blog, and now I AM SO GLAD I visited. I am crying - that is how hard I am laughing.
Funny thing - the husband and I were at dinner tonight and guess what I did? Luckily, it was the fresh-air scent, no smell, but noisy!
yeah, been there, done that! i hate it when i'm in the bathroom at work and JUST PEEING...when suddenly, a fart just totally rips my ass!
and i'm thinkin...where the hell did that come from? and, oh my gosh, i have to hide in here until the girl washing her hands leaves! (then wander around paranoid all night that the girl in registration knows I was the one who did it!)
Post a Comment