The secret lives of old people

One of BSC's biggest complaints is that I receive way too many catalogs. And I do, but it's not like I signed up for them! They just appear in the mailbox and I tend to look at a few of them every now and then. Sometimes the mailbox is overflowing with catalogs, and even I get a bit annoyed. I never signed up for this crap! But I have to admit that some of them are fun to look at. Just the other day I received this catalog:

The cover makes it look like it's targeted at menopausal women. Notice what it's called: "As We Change." Notice the type of swim-suits on the cover -- very old people-like. This catalog was not one I was likely to look through. Maybe in 20 years, thanks. But not now.

When I eat breakfast I like to read. I usually grab the nearest thing ... the newspaper, a book, or even the back of the cereal box. This particular morning, "As We Change" was on the breakfast table. So I flipped through the catalog and saw the usual: swimsuits with extra support, hosiery with extra support, huge bras with extra support, shoe inserts for extra support, mirrors with super magnification, anti-wrinkle everything, and then I turned to this page:

After I was done choking on my cereal I guess I came to the realization that old people are doing more than we thought. Yes, those are "sensual massagers" as they call them in the catalog. And no, that is not lipstick at the bottom of the page. It's a "mini massager" you can keep in your purse in case the urge compels you at an inopportune time.

And again, that is not an electric toothbrush.

This makes me wonder what exactly might be in all those catalogs sent to the old people. They've got us all fooled.